Litigation is Painful: Mediation Heals

When a couple decides to divorce the first thing that their advisers and family often say is:

                 “Win at all costs. Get the better of the other party. Take him to the cleaners.”

This attitude bespeaks retribution for past offenses. This is an adversarial and confrontational approach. There are only losers in an adversarial divorce process. And the effects go on to label the children as victims of a “messy” divorce. That label follows them into their own shiduuch process. Do you want to burden your children with that albatross?

This is not the Torah viewpoint. The Torah states that we are not to seek revenge or to do to the other party what they have done to us. Understandably, where there is pain, hurt and emotional abuse, the offended party usually wants and needs “justice”. But how do we define “winning”. How do we define “justice?”

The Torah wants us to look to the future to continue serving Hashem as a restructured family. That is the definition of “winning” in a Torah based family. “Justice” means that even though the marriage was not sustainable, the parties are able to move on with their lives and forge new relationships. That leads to a win-–win situation. The spouses win and the the children win. How do the children win? The children need to be able to see both parents as good people, well meaning with good hearts and midos, in order to placed in a position to maintain a good relationship with the parents, as individuals.  Each child must be able to maintain a positive attitude and relationship with each parent, in their own right. It is in the best interest of the children to maintain a healthy child/parent  relationship with each parent.

Of course, where one of the parents suffers from mental health issues or is abusive, then the relationship with the children would likely have to be curtailed, and monitored. That is why the Divorce Mediator must have access to Daas Torah. Rabbi Yisroel Roll, an Orthodox Jewish  lawyer and divorce mediator, seeks Daas Torah when he conducts a mediation. He seeks guidance from noted Poskim who are renowned and acceptable to most parties.

Rabbi Roll teaches the couple a communication system that might not have been known to the couple when they were married. Rabbi Roll, who is also a licensed psychotherapist, teaches those skills to the couple so that they can communicate effectively in a working relationship, to enable them to communicate and to deal with issues that may come up after the divorce. Sometimes, the mediator must be consulted to mediate ongoing issues after the divorce settlement. Rabbi Roll performs that mediative role for couples, when necessary, and that forms part of their settlement agreement.

For a consultation with divorce mediator,  Rabbi Yisroel Roll, contact 1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com

Please visit www.creativemediationgroup.com