Monday, 8 February 2021
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Divorce Mediation Promotes Emotional Stability
Having practiced as a trial lawyer in Toronto, and as a psychotherapist, I can tell you that the winner in litigation is not necessarily party with the stronger financial resources, although that is certainly one crucial factor in litigation success. In many cases it is the party with the most balanced personal emotional resources. I have seen many legitimate cases fail to proceed, and a person lose their rights, because that party is not emotionally ready or willing to go through the rigorous trial process. They just don`t have the emotional resilience to withstand the pressure leading up to and during the trial process. They will say,"Oh just let them have whatever they want. I have no strength to fight." This creates an unjust inequality of bargaining power.
I hear you saying: "So be it. The race is to the swifter and the mightier. So let the stronger party win."
That would be true in commercial litigation but not when it comes to family disputes. Because when the stronger party bullies his way to win in court, he actaully loses. He loses the goodwill of his family-those with whom he seeks on ongoing relationship. So when he wins--he loses.
Studies have shown that children`s academic and social success suffers when parents go through marital problems. And this is when there is mere marital conflcit--even when the parties are far from separating. How much moreso when the marriage is breaking up. The toll on the children`s emotional stability is immeasurably negative. They lose their sense of security and confidence. The family security net is being removed and they feel vulnerable. They lose concentration, they may act out in school and they may begin to act in inappropriate ways.
The way to minimize the fallout on the children is to avoid litigation and to engage in divorce or spearation mediation. No, you will not get a better deal if you hire a shark litigator. The litigator will usually settle anyway and he cannot change the facts on the ground. He will settle the case to then same result as would a divorce mediator, only in a fraction of the time and expense, and without as much emotional trauma.
Divorce Mediator , Rabbi Yisroel Roll, will ensure that the children continue to see both sets of grandparents and extended family as part of the settlement agrerement. The agreement will set up a mechanism for the orderly and civil transfer and handing off of the children from one ex-spouse to the other for visitation, access and Shabbos/Yom Tov arrangements. How? By ensuring that both parties know and understand that every act of sabatoage and negativity by one sposue against the other will hurt the children and will actually boomerang to hurt themselves.
Rabbi Roll, who is himself a licesned pscyhotherapist, will encourage the family to attend family counseling for at least 5 sessions so that a professional counselor will give the children an opportunity to express their feelings and to learn coping strategies. Rabbi Roll states, “It is not a failure of parenting skills that necessitates counseling in family breakdown situations. It is a new reality and the children need an impartial professional facilitator who can channel communication, and who will allow the children to sort out their feelings and learn to adjust to the restructuring of the family. This takes work. "
Rabbi Roll states, "I ensure that this work is done in the best interests of the children.”
For a consultaion with divorce mediator, Rabbi Yisroel Roll, contact
1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Offices in Toronto and Baltimore.
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Jewish Divorce Mediation
It is true that the mizbeach cries when a couple divorces (Gittin 90b). And in the usual adversarial process couples are torn apart emotionally and scars are left. Divorce attorney and mediator, Rabbi Yisroel Roll, invests his best efforts to limit the pain by guiding couples to a workable settlement in the best interest of both parties and the children. Rabbi Roll remains neutral during the mediation process and is an impartial Torah- based mediator who seeks the continued spiritual and emotional growth of the parties, after the mediation is completed.
Rabbi Yisroel Roll, a licensed pscyhotherapist and lawyer, has seen both sides of the equation. He has counseled couples with marriage problems and has guided them to revitalized marriage success. Rabbi Roll is the author of a best selling book, Bring Out the Best-A Jewish Guide to Build Family Esteem, which is available at www.amazon.com. He has even met clients for an initial divorce mediation and has helped turn things around and has guided the couple to reconciliation. But when a couple finds irreconcilable differences then Rabbi Roll sets into motion a healthy mediation process that yields a mutually satisfactory agreement between the parties.
The most important issue to avoid during divorce is parental alientation--which means that neither party is allowed to denigrate the other spouse or malign the other sposue to the children--which leads to an alienation of the child from the other parent. It is in each party’s best interest to actually promote a good relationship between the child and the other spouse because the children will then see and learn to appreciate the goodwill of the encouraging parent and will be drawn closer to that parent who is showing fairness and goodwill to the other parent.
For a consultation with Rabbi Yisroel Roll call him at his Toronto law office Creative Mediation Group, Solnik Law Group, 1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Divorce Collaboration Avoids the Trauma of Litigation
When a couple decides, after a concerted effort at counseling, and upon rabbinical advice, that their marriatge is not sustainable then they have tow options: Litigation or Mediation.
Benefits of Litigation: You get legal representation, you get heard and your rights are protected.
Downside of Litigation: Great Expense, anxiety and trauma each time you have to go to court, stress on the children, pressure on children who often feel like they have to take sides, drawn out process.
In short, litigation takes a toll on your family’s emotional health and exacerbates the conflict.
Benefits of Mediation: You get legal representation, you get heard and your rights are protected. PLUS:
Mediation is 20% of the cost of Litigation, Collaboration with both lawyers seeking solutions together, with the mediator, much faster process, set up system to continue cooperating after the divorce in the best interstes of the children and the parties, follow up assistance of the mediator after the settlement is in place.
According to Divorce Mediator and lawyer, Rabbi Yisroel Roll, most divorce proceedings do not go to trial and they settle after about one to two years of legal proceeedings. Rabbi Roll states, "The emotional pain of divorce proceedings takes a toll on your wellbeing. People would live longer and better if they would go to divorce mediation, rather than litigate their divorce. They will even learn communication skills they did not have during the marriage which will help them in their future relationships. "
"One of the main issues I have faced in Divorce Mediation is the continued religious education and religious observance of the children, following divorce. Often, one of the reasons for the divorce is that the parties are not on the same page spiritually and religiously. The parents must work out an agreement about religious education, Bar Mitzvah preparation, a Bas Mitzvah luncheon and midos development. There must be compromise but there must be one pathway for the child to follow. Otherwise the child will get confused. Diferent levels of Shabbos and kashrus observance by the parents, must be discussed and presented to the children in a way they will understand. The best way forward is that as far as the children are concerned they should follow one mehalach of observance in both homes even if one parent is more stringent than the other. I always involve Daas Torah of a reputable posek, acceptable to both parties, to pasken on such issues.
For a consultation with Rabbi Yisroel Roll, please call 1-800-557-0678
or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Please visit www.creativemediationgroup.com
Divorce Mediation for Orthodox Jewish Couples
Rabbi Yisroel Roll, Toronto divorce lawyer and divorce mediator, brings an understanding of the uniquely Jewish issues, to the divorce process. Rabbi Roll is an ordained Orthodox rabbi as well as a licensed psychotherapist, with haskamos from leading rabbonim in Canada and the USA.
Issues that are probably on your mind:
• How will my son shteig in learning while worried about his parent's divorce?
• How will my daughter be treated by her friends after we divorce?
• What will Yom Tov be like with only one parent?
• How do I prepare my children to deal with the fallout from the divorce?
These are some of the issues that Rabbi Roll deals with during the ongoing negotiation process of divorce mediation.
Rabbi Roll understands the emotional trauma that comes with separation and divorce and helps guide couples through the process in a professional, sensitive, and Torah-based manner. All negotiations are confidential and the respective lawyers for both parties are encouraged to be part of the process to provide legal advice to the respective parties.
During the mediation Rabbi Roll does not provide legal advice to either party. Rabbi Roll guides the couple toward an amicable settlement agreement that will ensure co-parenting so that the best interests of the children are promoted and developed.
For a consultation please contact Rabbi Yisroel Roll at his Toronto office 1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Rabbi Roll also has a Baltimore offcie where he sees clients.
Please visit http://www.creativemediationgroup.com/
Creative Mediation Group is a division of Irving Solnik Professional Corporation and Solnik Law Group.
#
Issues that are probably on your mind:
• How will my son shteig in learning while worried about his parent's divorce?
• How will my daughter be treated by her friends after we divorce?
• What will Yom Tov be like with only one parent?
• How do I prepare my children to deal with the fallout from the divorce?
These are some of the issues that Rabbi Roll deals with during the ongoing negotiation process of divorce mediation.
Rabbi Roll understands the emotional trauma that comes with separation and divorce and helps guide couples through the process in a professional, sensitive, and Torah-based manner. All negotiations are confidential and the respective lawyers for both parties are encouraged to be part of the process to provide legal advice to the respective parties.
During the mediation Rabbi Roll does not provide legal advice to either party. Rabbi Roll guides the couple toward an amicable settlement agreement that will ensure co-parenting so that the best interests of the children are promoted and developed.
For a consultation please contact Rabbi Yisroel Roll at his Toronto office 1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Rabbi Roll also has a Baltimore offcie where he sees clients.
Please visit http://www.creativemediationgroup.com/
Creative Mediation Group is a division of Irving Solnik Professional Corporation and Solnik Law Group.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Litigation is Painful: Mediation Heals
When a couple decides to divorce the first thing that their advisers and family often say is:
“Win at all costs. Get the better of the other party. Take him to the cleaners.”
This attitude bespeaks retribution for past offenses. This is an adversarial and confrontational approach. There are only losers in an adversarial divorce process. And the effects go on to label the children as victims of a “messy” divorce. That label follows them into their own shiduuch process. Do you want to burden your children with that albatross?
This is not the Torah viewpoint. The Torah states that we are not to seek revenge or to do to the other party what they have done to us. Understandably, where there is pain, hurt and emotional abuse, the offended party usually wants and needs “justice”. But how do we define “winning”. How do we define “justice?”
The Torah wants us to look to the future to continue serving Hashem as a restructured family. That is the definition of “winning” in a Torah based family. “Justice” means that even though the marriage was not sustainable, the parties are able to move on with their lives and forge new relationships. That leads to a win-–win situation. The spouses win and the the children win. How do the children win? The children need to be able to see both parents as good people, well meaning with good hearts and midos, in order to placed in a position to maintain a good relationship with the parents, as individuals. Each child must be able to maintain a positive attitude and relationship with each parent, in their own right. It is in the best interest of the children to maintain a healthy child/parent relationship with each parent.
Of course, where one of the parents suffers from mental health issues or is abusive, then the relationship with the children would likely have to be curtailed, and monitored. That is why the Divorce Mediator must have access to Daas Torah. Rabbi Yisroel Roll, an Orthodox Jewish lawyer and divorce mediator, seeks Daas Torah when he conducts a mediation. He seeks guidance from noted Poskim who are renowned and acceptable to most parties.
Rabbi Roll teaches the couple a communication system that might not have been known to the couple when they were married. Rabbi Roll, who is also a licensed psychotherapist, teaches those skills to the couple so that they can communicate effectively in a working relationship, to enable them to communicate and to deal with issues that may come up after the divorce. Sometimes, the mediator must be consulted to mediate ongoing issues after the divorce settlement. Rabbi Roll performs that mediative role for couples, when necessary, and that forms part of their settlement agreement.
For a consultation with divorce mediator, Rabbi Yisroel Roll, contact 1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Please visit www.creativemediationgroup.com
“Win at all costs. Get the better of the other party. Take him to the cleaners.”
This attitude bespeaks retribution for past offenses. This is an adversarial and confrontational approach. There are only losers in an adversarial divorce process. And the effects go on to label the children as victims of a “messy” divorce. That label follows them into their own shiduuch process. Do you want to burden your children with that albatross?
This is not the Torah viewpoint. The Torah states that we are not to seek revenge or to do to the other party what they have done to us. Understandably, where there is pain, hurt and emotional abuse, the offended party usually wants and needs “justice”. But how do we define “winning”. How do we define “justice?”
The Torah wants us to look to the future to continue serving Hashem as a restructured family. That is the definition of “winning” in a Torah based family. “Justice” means that even though the marriage was not sustainable, the parties are able to move on with their lives and forge new relationships. That leads to a win-–win situation. The spouses win and the the children win. How do the children win? The children need to be able to see both parents as good people, well meaning with good hearts and midos, in order to placed in a position to maintain a good relationship with the parents, as individuals. Each child must be able to maintain a positive attitude and relationship with each parent, in their own right. It is in the best interest of the children to maintain a healthy child/parent relationship with each parent.
Of course, where one of the parents suffers from mental health issues or is abusive, then the relationship with the children would likely have to be curtailed, and monitored. That is why the Divorce Mediator must have access to Daas Torah. Rabbi Yisroel Roll, an Orthodox Jewish lawyer and divorce mediator, seeks Daas Torah when he conducts a mediation. He seeks guidance from noted Poskim who are renowned and acceptable to most parties.
Rabbi Roll teaches the couple a communication system that might not have been known to the couple when they were married. Rabbi Roll, who is also a licensed psychotherapist, teaches those skills to the couple so that they can communicate effectively in a working relationship, to enable them to communicate and to deal with issues that may come up after the divorce. Sometimes, the mediator must be consulted to mediate ongoing issues after the divorce settlement. Rabbi Roll performs that mediative role for couples, when necessary, and that forms part of their settlement agreement.
For a consultation with divorce mediator, Rabbi Yisroel Roll, contact 1-800-557-0678 or email roll@creativemediationgroup.com
Please visit www.creativemediationgroup.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)